The Child Comes First | CLEAR
Worksheet questions and fictional example
Use one worksheet independently for one everyday parenting issue. No appointment or joint meeting is needed. Read the questions below and use the fictional answers as guidance. The example is not a plan or agreement for your family to copy.
This page does not collect or save answers. To write your own, use the fillable worksheet · 128 KB or a separate page. Before sharing, ask how your answers will be used and who will receive them.
If discussion feels unsafe or pressured, pause and seek appropriate private support. Keep your child out of choosing sides or carrying adult messages.
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Your name and date
Fictional example: Alex - fictional parent example
C · Clarify the Conflict
What specific parenting decision needs attention?
Fictional example: What Friday pickup time and location can we reliably use when my work shift changes?
What is happening? What information still needs checking?
Fictional example: Pickup is currently 5:30 p.m. at Jordan's home. I arrived after 6 p.m. on two of the last four Fridays. My shift ends by 5:45 p.m.; the drive takes about 30 minutes.
What needs a parenting decision, and what concern needs separate attention?
Fictional example: The parenting decision is a reliable pickup plan. My frustration about past arguments needs separate attention; it does not settle the pickup question.
L · Look at What Matters
What does your child need? What have you observed or heard directly, and what are you assuming?
Fictional example: Sam, age 8, needs dinner on time and a predictable handoff. I have observed Sam waiting by the door. I assume the uncertainty is upsetting, but have not confirmed that. I can listen without asking Sam to choose a pickup time or parent.
What concern matters most to you? What can you be flexible about?
Fictional example: I want dependable time with Sam without promising a pickup I cannot make. I can be flexible about the time. Jordan says a definite time would help with evening plans.
E · Explore the Options
Option 1: What could we do?
Fictional example: Use 6:30 p.m. every Friday at Jordan's home. I propose that Jordan give Sam dinner before pickup and that I handle transportation.
Does it address your child's needs? Is it practical? What needs checking?
Fictional example: Child's needs: predictable pickup and dinner first. Practicality: allows travel time, with arrival at my home about 7 p.m. Check: whether dinner and the later handoff work for Jordan and Sam.
Option 2: What could we do?
Fictional example: Choose either 5:30 or 6:30 p.m. each Friday. Confirm directly with each other by Thursday at 6 p.m.
Does it address your child's needs? Is it practical? What needs checking?
Fictional example: Child's needs: earlier pickup when possible, but less consistency. Practicality: adds a weekly decision. Check: an agreed default if no time is confirmed, and whether either parent can reliably confirm each week.
Option 3 (optional): What could we do?
Fictional example: Ask a trusted adult to collect Sam at 5:30 p.m. on late-work Fridays and stay with Sam until I arrive.
Does it address your child's needs? Is it practical? What needs checking?
Fictional example: Child's needs: preserves the earlier pickup but adds a caregiver. Practicality: depends on availability and travel. Check: Sam's comfort and the necessary arrangements. No caregiver has been asked yet.
Reality check: Would this work on an ordinary Tuesday? Consider schedules, transportation, cost, a late pickup, a sick child or a changed work schedule.
A · Arrive at Workable Decisions
Which option do you propose, and why does it meet your child's needs?
Fictional example: I propose Option 1 for four Fridays. A consistent 6:30 p.m. pickup would reduce weekly uncertainty and let Sam eat before traveling.
What, if anything, have both parents agreed to? If nothing, write "not yet."
Fictional example: In this fictional example, the parents agreed on a four-Friday trial: 6:30 p.m. pickup at Jordan's front door, Jordan providing dinner, and me providing transportation. The start date remains open; the trial has not begun.
What remains open? What is needed before the decision can move forward?
Fictional example: We still need to confirm the start date and agree on delay messages and backup arrangements before the trial begins.
R · Roadmap the Way Forward
What happens next, who will act, and by when?
Fictional example: My next step: send the proposed start date and open questions to Jordan by Thursday at 6 p.m. Proposed next step for Jordan: confirm availability. Jordan has not agreed to that task or deadline.
How will details or changes be communicated between adults?
Fictional example: Proposed, not agreed: use our existing text thread; if delayed, I would text an arrival estimate and ask Jordan to acknowledge it. These details still need discussion. Sam will not carry messages for me.
When will you review progress? What would tell you the plan needs another look?
Fictional example: Proposed, not agreed: review on the Monday after the fourth Friday. Look at pickup times, dinner and transitions. Repeated delays, missed meals or difficulty with transitions would be reasons to revisit the plan sooner.
Personal planning tool. Proposed changes need any required agreement or formal process before use. Completing this worksheet does not itself change a court order.