The Child Comes First · CLEAR Framework
The CLEAR Framework
A practical method within The Child Comes First resource collection. Use it independently for one everyday parenting decision. No appointment or joint meeting is needed; agreement is not required to make progress.
Moving families from conflict to clarity and a workable path forward.
Use one worksheet for one parenting issue. Short answers are enough, and you can leave questions open. Start by naming the decision rather than retelling the whole disagreement.
Clarify the Conflict
What needs a decision?
Name the parenting decision and the information that needs checking. Describe events without assigning motives.
Look at What Matters
What matters for your child and daily life?
Consider your child's needs and routines. Separate what you have noticed or heard from what you are assuming. Listen without asking your child to choose sides.
Explore the Options
What could work?
Compare at least two options using the same questions: does it meet your child's needs, is it practical, and what needs checking?
Arrive at Workable Decisions
What is confirmed and what is still open?
Keep your proposal, confirmed points, and open questions separate. If there is no agreement, identify what information or help is needed next.
Roadmap the Way Forward
Who will do what next?
Record the next adult action, who has agreed to take it, and by when. Label unconfirmed tasks and dates as proposed. Plan how to review progress.
Choose your CLEAR resource
Start with the blank worksheet. Use the fictional example for guidance, or download both together. Free to view, download, and print.
- Blank worksheet (fillable PDF, 3 pages) · 128 KB Type brief answers or print and write by hand.
- Fictional completed example (PDF, 3 pages) · 141 KB A fixed example showing confirmed, proposed, and open details.
- Worksheet and example together (PDF, 6 pages) · 712 KB
- Five-step CLEAR overview (PDF, 1 page) · 179 KB
Read the worksheet questions and example online
Use a PDF app that supports forms. Keep answers brief; use a separate notes page for more detail. Save a copy, close it, and reopen it to check that your answers were kept. Before sharing, ask how the worksheet will be used and who will receive it.
Use CLEAR in your circumstances
The goal is greater clarity, a better understanding of your options, and practical next steps. In family matters, CLEAR helps shift the focus from adult conflict and competing positions toward children’s needs and workable decisions for the family.
If communication feels unsafe or pressured, pause and seek appropriate individual support. Do not ask your child to carry messages or settle the disagreement.
CLEAR is a free personal planning tool. You can use it without hiring a professional. If you want additional help, professional support is an optional next step. Completing a worksheet does not change a court order.
More tools for keeping your child in focus
Keeping Kids Out of the Middle (PDF) · 284 KB offers practical language for keeping adult conflict between adults.
Child-Focused Co-Parenting Checkup (PDF) · 386 KB helps you reflect on your own responses and choose one small change.