“Dad, You Smell Like Alcohol”:

“Dad, you smell like alcohol.”

I was waiting at the dentist’s office when I heard a child say that to his dad, just after they checked in at the reception desk. His dad offered an explanation, then quietly told him not to say that.

I don’t know what caused the smell. I don’t know their story. But I kept thinking about how we respond when a child says something we weren’t prepared to hear.

Children don’t always bring us their questions at convenient times, in private, or with carefully chosen words. Sometimes they just say what they notice.

And sometimes our first reaction is embarrassment or defensiveness. We want to explain it away or end the conversation.

We can offer an explanation and still leave room for the child to speak:

“Tell me what you noticed.”

“Is there something you’re wondering about?”

And if we shut the conversation down, we can come back:

“I was caught off guard earlier. I’m glad you told me.”

In my work with families, I want children to have room to talk about their experiences without having to protect adults from uncomfortable feelings.

That doesn’t mean every observation tells the whole story. It means we listen before deciding what it means—and take responsibility for any next steps.

Children can have a voice without carrying the responsibility.

The next time a child says something uncomfortable, pause and ask: “Tell me more about what you noticed.”

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